Cheap Flings in Blue Springs

So I choked on whatever I was eating at work the other day (it was something with rice and chicken, not entirely sure) but either way for however long it was stuck in my throat I genuinely felt like I was going to die. This was Wednesday night, and my throat is still on fire, I can't really eat anything too solid in structure (make jokes if you will) and I am pretty sure it's put me off that type of meal in some time.

I drove out to Peterborough today to pick up my fucking SatNav, the A47 in that direction is the most monotonous and soul-destroying car journey ever, most notably the fact that when the sun comes out, the direction back towards Norwich comes to a standstill as people flock to Cromer or any other rot-smelling coastal town with a murky patch of sand and some sea to soak up the rays that England only sees once in a blue moon.

I really should be studying but along with my missing handbag I am pretty sure I lost my motivation forever. Work is going to SUCK later.

Think Pink

I went to prom yesterday and whilst for the most part it sucked, certain people made it so bareable. I wore THESE shoes:

Fuck knows how. Whatever, I won 'most likely to become Prime Minister.... yeah.

I also made a pink cake.


After party fucking ruled though, I love Harriet Lucas to death, if it wasn't for her I think I'd contemplate it right now. Here's to stairlift riding, forcing drunks to do dumb shit and flicking the middle finger at anyone who opposes.
The Decendents own me right now.

I Am.

The other day at work someone asked if we had any English potatoes, I replied with: 'They're right in front of you, Cornish potatoes..' to be responded to with: 'No, English potatoes', me: 'Cornwall is in England.' her: 'well not really...' me: 'well where do you propose it is then?'.

I hate people.


I wish I could stop listening to Beyonce. I think I love her/everything about her. She is the epitome of what a woman should be and potentially what I'm not.
Status: currently self-consumed and very anti-existence. I'll BRB.

Once You Go Black You Never Go Back.

Yesterday I got my first ever Blackberry and it's one of the best things I've ever had. For someone so technologically retarded keeping everything under one shiny black little roof is probably the best thing to happen for me since sliced bread or the larger packets of raisins. I am still learning how to use it, and have googled various dumb-ass questions such as 'changing my ring tone on my Blackberry curve?' and 'what is my BB pin?'. I'm elated like it's Christmas.

I wanted to see Coraline last night so me and a friend drove into the city to go to Odeon only to find there was a 'technical fault'. What sort of 'technical fault' could there be on the first week of viewing? Did someone eat the film reel or drop it in the Nacho-dip vat? I was p-o'ed to say the least. But we watched Angels&Demons and it was actually awesome. I don't get why the reviews said it was terrible, a bit far-fetched yes... but isn't the whole concept of the Vatican church pretty far fetched anyway? (Sorry Alice, but be happy in the notion that when ever I do badmouth religion I think of you and pinch myself a little bit).

I had my first exam today of 10, and it wasn't too bad. It was a retake as last time I took the paper I spent one hour and fifteen minutes taking the piss out of the first task (I could write an article about any hotel destination in the World and I chose Great Yarmouth because I think I'm funny) so I figured I'd retake the paper with a bit more respect, and hopefully I will do better than a C this time.
I hate this time of year.

Sore on War

I really wish my parents wouldn't buy Tabloid news papers, i can honestly say they make me feel sick and so pent up with fury that I manage to pull even more cynaism and hate out of everyday existence. I don't see how anybody (even the shameful majority of the Bonehead Britain who read Tabloids) can honestly take what they print seriously when you open to the next page and see a pair of tits or a story about a waste-of-a-woman who feeds her babies Big Macs. It would be like Paris Hilton teaching degree-level astro-physics with sincerity. Either way I am pretty bored of all this bullshit about swine flu, the Iraq settlement, Madeline McCann and economic hardship. No body has grown trotters and a snout, troops are still killing and being killed in someother Middle-Eastern wasteland, kidnappers aren't going to be dumb enough to parade Maddy on the streets like some cheap prostitute and no one is spending any less money now than they were 18 months ago.

I guess life is leaving a sour taste in my mouth as of lately, it all seems such a waste of time. Here's a joke to lighten the mood in my current miserable fuck angst.

'A man was arrested after running outside 10 Downing Street shouting at the top of his voice 'Gordon Brown is a fucking idiot'. He was tried and sentenced to 6 months imprisonment for public slander... and 19 and a half years for revealing secrets of the state.'

be-dum-bum.