Carpe Die-m

I know life is short and we're born to die and i should seize the day, but I'm going to go with God on this one and Sunday being the day of rest. Another thing i know is that I should be at UEA library right now finding books for possibly the most secluded essay question I've ever decided upon but again the sheer thought of searching for books that aren't there makes laying in bed eating Kinder and watching Sunday films much more preferable. Again my taste for diversity has bitten me in the ass because I chose to study an argument in history and have subsequently been spunking time up the wall because the books i want to read aren't in any public libraries ANYWHERE and on going to UEA library i can't rent the books... i have to photo copy them.... each page i want to use. Just die.

Looking forward to going to the flicks later to see My Blood Valentine 3-D with Gowza, popcorn for dinner, huzzzahhh. Then going to see Valkyrie with pop tomorrow, can't beat a bit of Hitler-attempted assassination. I wish these 18days would pass fast. Faster than a dog on speed. or something. Just fast.

Mactarded.

For someone with such a rocket up my butt 88% of the time I can be easily traumatised by anything more technologically recent than the Nokia 3210. Whilst my Macbook was predominantly a blessing it is also a curse. The matter of the fact is that I just don't know how to use it. I persistently believe that talking to it/ asking it 'what! whyyyyy? how on earth?' will solve any qualms I have with it and when something doesn't work or is 'temporarily unavailable' for over an hour I acquiesce and hide behind the archaic but reliable pen and pad of paper. I'm a self-confessed know-all but can honestly say this laptop has me in a headlock 24/7.

I've got my history exam tomorrow but again I've sold myself to procrastination like some cheap slut and am looking for any excuse to do something else. Hence my insistence in taking issue with my Macbook and repainting my nails not once but twice. What hurts the most is that after my exams are over this week I have to spend two weeks writing a history investigation on the Role of the Catholic Church in the Holocaust, so far I've established (or rather decided) that they didn't do a whole lot but other than that I've got more interest in watching paint dry, or trying to further my lacking Macbook knowledge.(which is actually just giving up and watching the Itunes album-cover- art screensaver.)

I've got about 12% of my Christmas chocolate left before I on a cocoa hiatus, just another thing I am traumatised about. I'm feeling sorry for myself - Kinder donations widely appreciated, technically if the chocolate never runs out I don't have to stop. Technically..

Solitude and Junk Food Mood.

I don't know what has happened to me in the last 24 hours to make me so anti-company but I woke up with the notion today of just generally not liking other people. In fact throughout today I've found 90% of people I usually like unbearable; to the extent that I'm rude or subconsciously rude. I guess it's because sometimes I just don't 'get' people, or being around people. I will never figure out either why girls are so pent on getting at each other or catching each other out. We should be a team more than anything, men are going to spend the entire lifespan of the human race making us subordinate, I've never witnessed a species so set on kicking each other whilst they're down. I hate to break it to anyone with a vagina, even as a feminist, we will be forever underground.

I am in serious concern over my chocolate addiction. I think it's gone beyond me merely just having a taste for chocolate. I get cravings to the extent that I can't concentrate on anything else until I have had a fix. I've made a personal pact that once I've devoured all my Christmas chocolate (I predict this to occur in approximately 2 weeks) then I am ditching chocolate for good. Keep a tab on me. If Daniel reads this I know he agrees, haha *hearts for eyes*.

Currently wondering whether I should go to Internal Affairs last show... line up SUCKS.

Splitting at the Seams

My rejection from Cambridge a week ago has sunk me into a fear that i've been living in some fallacy where I can achieve what I want because I am just me. Last year the only exam i particularly revised for was law and i aced it. Now exams are back around and the whole prospect of having to study is reinvented I have this constant, mistaken niggling in the back of my head that I can do it without working for it. My rejection brought into hindsight that maybe I can't do that anymore.

It's 4.30pm and I failed to get dressed today. I am intent on studying for hours, I've studied a fair amount so far, but doubt is raging through me like hormones on the brink of puberty. Maybe I can't do it this time.

Asides annual exam-disaster I am completely consumed by love.

Revision Rut

The time of year is around again where I really have to get my act together in time for exams. Although so far I've failed to do anything exam-constructive and I am only proud of myself because I am pretending. This facade of hard-work will probably bite my in the ass but I've told myself that I've always crammed like a fat mess before so this instance shouldn't be any different.

I'm becoming increasingly love-sick. I also have little to say because I'm completely wrapped up in life without the majority of you in it.

Canis Candem Edit

I've been horrifically slack in this whole 'let the World hear my sorrows' thing, mostly because I haven't had any sorrows. I got rejected from Cambridge last week, but other than feeling that my pride has taken a slight kick to the balls I kind of expected. When someone talks to your lip-piercing instead of you during conversation you know they aren't particularly interested in what you have to say. Although the interviews were an experience, strangely vigorous and with the capability to make someone even as pompous as me feel really small.

I guess my New year's resolution will be to keep up with my blogs, although I will watch what I say as a friend was recently suspended from work for pouring her heart out online. Hilarious. I am glad I don't have particularly anything bad to say about something so particular as work, quite possibly because I am too happy to give a shit. (insert smiley)

Now watching Equilibrium (lead role; Christian Bale) and pretending to study. I just had some of the best two weeks of my life but now my heart just aches. This is one of those forever things, I can just feel it.