Thoughtfully Hungover.

Sometimes i wish i had the desire to get drunk. I don't know why I'm admitting this out loud, or within a space that people could read, take into consideration and judge me upon. But i sometimes feel drunk, like i'm acting like someone else, and when i have enough thoughts in bed to make me feel hungover the next day i wish i woke up drunk. So i wouldn't think like i'm thinking, act like i'm acting and say what i'm saying.

Sometimes i take pristine nail polish off only to repaint my digits in the same colour, i like to read the paper whilst i do this and think about other people's bullshit instead of my own. Maybe if i was drunk i wouldn't do such a thing, i'd think about going out and jumping hedges, kissing friends and singing so it echoes off buildings in alleyways and the wind carries it to everyone's ears who would disapprove. I know i have the capability to do this when i'm not drunk however.. and have before.

I worked out too much today and bathed twice. Well my second bath is pending but i can't wait to get in it, read my book and not only nurse my aching muscles but sooth my head. My thought processes make me drunk; i'm disorrientated and can't work out what has happened, is going to happen or never happened at all. I didn't like the taste of dinner, but i'm going to like the taste of icecream after my bath.


I've now decided that i don't have any rigid desire to drink, i'm not that fickle, to make this decision based on social preference or the fact that i want to forget most the things i do.