Detrification

There is easily an uncorrelated point of everyday when i approach extentialism and wonder whether all the trials and tribulations i put myself through everyday are worth it when i've already decided i'm going to kill myself before i grow old. Before you stamp 'cynic' across my forehead don't wear the mask of being happy all the time and being positive because even you with your black pumps and copied hair have days when you feel solid and like everything is shit.

People ask me what i think about when i go running everyday. I think about losing weight, i think about seeing various other runners and the fact we all acknowledge each other with a nod or a wink or a smile like we're all good fitness friends who are fighting the good fat fight. I even think about who i'll see and whether i'll nod, wink or smile. Its not a time of extentialism or philosophy as not only are my puppies howling but i'm counting more breaths than i am years wasted or friends lost.

I think its more everything has to be so articulate and thoughtful and intellectual these days. Intelligence is no longer proven with a witty joke, impressionable occupation, general knowledge of another person or good grades. Its how much you know about life, how well you can analyse yourself/others how much you know about the given fashion-topic for that week.
I was so tired today i tried taking both girls i was giving a lift home back to my place, if that's not auto-pilot than i'm a raging lesbian. Not only do i adore small chocolate muffins but i'll never regret a single word i ever said.

'You look down on me and i don't give a fuck.'