Today has, so far, been a day of consideration. As a college student it is from this point that i am being goaded into deciding where i am going to study next summer, and what college trips i will surrender my money to before i leave.
Post-college research has concluded that i will do half my study in the UK and half somewhere else with (hopefully) the aid of Butex. This is the only way i can particularly afford it unless i win the lottery.. yeah.
College trips on offer to drain me of any remaining cash are a trip to Cuba and a trip to LA. Both are extensively expensive and i am not sure i can handle another 9 days chilling with people who either bore the fuck out of me or make me want to beat the fuck out of them. As harsh and pretentious as this sounds everyday i spend here is only more evidence to the type of people i (have to) associate myself with at college. They probably don't like me either. I probably don't care.
I'm going to Auschwitz tomorrow, to Poland and back in one day. Not only is it insane but I must be completely out of my fucking mind to think i can handle all that in 24 hours.
I won't be functioning on Wednesday.
Monday, 25 February 2008
Friday, 22 February 2008
Motivation 3/4
Just based on what i have been told/what has occured today i could compile a considerably lengthy list of people who have an issue with me/don't like me.
I have always had the inkling that my politics teacher isn't too fond of me, but verbly raping me in front of the whole class to discuss my screening grades pretty much sells it. I was down-marked on motivation.
I have the motivation of an activist on speed, just because i own the tendancy to talk during his lesson doesn't mean my general work motivation ceases to be a wholesome four. If thats not making a meal out of a morsel then i'm the pope, on speed.
Also, disliking me over a comment about 'not having a pen' that i didn't even make is mock-worthy. Come on, if i cared whether you had a fucking biro or not then i'd sob everytime a dog crapped on my lawn or someone stood on my toe.
Which i don't, for your recognition.
On a just as insignificant tangent; inquisition about my blog rises everyday whilst i write it at college. Currently my friend Dom is brandishing his foot-long sandwich in my face (no, NOT a sexual innuendo) and claiming he has to be mentioned. So here it is Max Brillo, your 5 seconds to e-blog fame. My blog isn't particually of any interest, it's a reverent mix of whinging/moaning, general and often pointless perceptions of my life and general 'give me something to say' bullshit.
I'm currently planning to create a public video diary/exhibition of Austchwitz - just to put everything into perspective.
'when grey skies turn blue, when dreams all come true,
will you be the way that i remember you?'
I have always had the inkling that my politics teacher isn't too fond of me, but verbly raping me in front of the whole class to discuss my screening grades pretty much sells it. I was down-marked on motivation.
I have the motivation of an activist on speed, just because i own the tendancy to talk during his lesson doesn't mean my general work motivation ceases to be a wholesome four. If thats not making a meal out of a morsel then i'm the pope, on speed.
Also, disliking me over a comment about 'not having a pen' that i didn't even make is mock-worthy. Come on, if i cared whether you had a fucking biro or not then i'd sob everytime a dog crapped on my lawn or someone stood on my toe.
Which i don't, for your recognition.
On a just as insignificant tangent; inquisition about my blog rises everyday whilst i write it at college. Currently my friend Dom is brandishing his foot-long sandwich in my face (no, NOT a sexual innuendo) and claiming he has to be mentioned. So here it is Max Brillo, your 5 seconds to e-blog fame. My blog isn't particually of any interest, it's a reverent mix of whinging/moaning, general and often pointless perceptions of my life and general 'give me something to say' bullshit.
I'm currently planning to create a public video diary/exhibition of Austchwitz - just to put everything into perspective.
'when grey skies turn blue, when dreams all come true,
will you be the way that i remember you?'
Thursday, 21 February 2008
Overcast Overall
I feel slightly less hindered today and more open to life flowing the route it wants to as opposed to me dramatically forcing it like an obese person through a doorframe. I just completed a history essay and feel some pretentious euphoria that it actually sounds frikkin' brilliant.
I'm now leaving college to merge with OAPs and young children in the local pool. If i don't catch an STI or drown i'll be back later for last period. Thursday week A rules because i have a three hour interval during the day but have to come to last lesson before i can offically leave.
It's depressing that i map my life/freetime around what week it is at college.
So meet me back at sixthform at 2.30 where i'll probably reek of chlorine and look like i actually HAVE been drowned. I'll probably have some disgusting public-facility story to tell you and will then dissapear until tomorrow morning.
I DO NOT look like the girl from Crystal Castles. FUCK.
I don't particualy feel anything but dull today. I am the weather.
'you're the laziness in the afternoon,
you're the reason why i burst and why i bloom.
How can i break the news to you?'
I'm now leaving college to merge with OAPs and young children in the local pool. If i don't catch an STI or drown i'll be back later for last period. Thursday week A rules because i have a three hour interval during the day but have to come to last lesson before i can offically leave.
It's depressing that i map my life/freetime around what week it is at college.
So meet me back at sixthform at 2.30 where i'll probably reek of chlorine and look like i actually HAVE been drowned. I'll probably have some disgusting public-facility story to tell you and will then dissapear until tomorrow morning.
I DO NOT look like the girl from Crystal Castles. FUCK.
I don't particualy feel anything but dull today. I am the weather.
'you're the laziness in the afternoon,
you're the reason why i burst and why i bloom.
How can i break the news to you?'
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
A Rush of Blood to the Head
1 fractured eardrum
2 ruptured ear canals
1 canister of nasal de-congestant
1 temporarily-deaf left ear
1 persistant headache
too many sleepless nights.
i'm drained of emotion/energy and partially devoid of feeling today.
It seems the world is out to fight me and i no longer need to look for my own self-destroying tendancy to reduce me to vegetation.
I spent too long last night working and playing football and exhausting any ounce of motivation i have left.
I have too much to do and too little time.
Nothing is ever good enough.
Fuck you borderline B-grade, fuck you unorganised Poland trip, and fuck you depleating bank balance.
WWW. and .COM can kiss my ass.
2 ruptured ear canals
1 canister of nasal de-congestant
1 temporarily-deaf left ear
1 persistant headache
too many sleepless nights.
i'm drained of emotion/energy and partially devoid of feeling today.
It seems the world is out to fight me and i no longer need to look for my own self-destroying tendancy to reduce me to vegetation.
I spent too long last night working and playing football and exhausting any ounce of motivation i have left.
I have too much to do and too little time.
Nothing is ever good enough.
Fuck you borderline B-grade, fuck you unorganised Poland trip, and fuck you depleating bank balance.
WWW. and .COM can kiss my ass.
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
Culture Shock
Imagine my suprise this morning as i was walking to college (if only it didn't cost £50 to fill my tank, i'd drive, cheers tax) when i saw a considerably old woman bopping along carrying her ipod. You hear all this speculation about old people not being able to use mobile phones or computers, clearly they're MP3 aknowledgable and more likely than me to download the latest tunes and listen to them when walking to collect their pension/bin from the end of the road.
I currently have an ear infection and have experianced for the past 5 days what it is like to be half deaf. People think i am arrogant or just ignorant. If you stand talking to me from the left side chances are i am not going to hear you. I have never wanted anti-biotics more in my life.
It seems to be the big issue at the moment is moving the driving age to 18, as someone who can now (finally!) drive i couldn't care less, for all the people who deem it acceptable to fly through villages and towns at 40-50mph it's a good idea. However considering my use of my lovely 5 door clio i'd be pretty pissed if i was verging road-legal age. Saying that i have passed and if you're concurring with this you probably haven't. Go figure.
I only have around 9 weeks of college left before study leave, with a 3 week interval after 4 of those weeks to 'celebrate' easter, more like doss for the said holiday and gain a couple lbs. Life is pretty bangin'.
'I find a map and draw a straight line,
Over rivers, farms and state lines.
The distance from me to where you'd be,
it's only finger lengths that i see.
I tough the place, where i'd find your face,
my fingers are in creases, of distant, dark places.'
'
I currently have an ear infection and have experianced for the past 5 days what it is like to be half deaf. People think i am arrogant or just ignorant. If you stand talking to me from the left side chances are i am not going to hear you. I have never wanted anti-biotics more in my life.
It seems to be the big issue at the moment is moving the driving age to 18, as someone who can now (finally!) drive i couldn't care less, for all the people who deem it acceptable to fly through villages and towns at 40-50mph it's a good idea. However considering my use of my lovely 5 door clio i'd be pretty pissed if i was verging road-legal age. Saying that i have passed and if you're concurring with this you probably haven't. Go figure.
I only have around 9 weeks of college left before study leave, with a 3 week interval after 4 of those weeks to 'celebrate' easter, more like doss for the said holiday and gain a couple lbs. Life is pretty bangin'.
'I find a map and draw a straight line,
Over rivers, farms and state lines.
The distance from me to where you'd be,
it's only finger lengths that i see.
I tough the place, where i'd find your face,
my fingers are in creases, of distant, dark places.'
'
Saturday, 16 February 2008
Jet lag- slack
It's a saturday night and i am in on my own.
Jet lag has made me irritable, tired and clearly open for petrol-mugging as everyone seems to think i'll drive them everywhere.
I have driven through North Elmham 4 times today. seriously, it's more desolate than my sixthform 'anyone who isn't indie' night. (NB; said night doesn't actually exist, if it did i would be the only one to go.. not cool).
Gallows/Set Your Goals/SSS/Fucked Up ruled last night, i dressed like a girl for one point in my life so if you saw someone feminine who vaguely looked like me, it was actually me. I had funnnnn.
Someone seriously rescue me from Saturday-night suicide watch. When it's your dog keeping you company you know you need to re-evaluate your social standing/outlook on life/personal significance. Or maybe just your economical income or lack of.
BUST!
'This song will become, the anthem of your underground,
You're two floors down, getting high in the backroom.
If i flooded out your house, do you think you'd make it out?
Or would you burn up before the water filled your lungs?
And at your funeral, i will sing the requiem.'
Jet lag has made me irritable, tired and clearly open for petrol-mugging as everyone seems to think i'll drive them everywhere.
I have driven through North Elmham 4 times today. seriously, it's more desolate than my sixthform 'anyone who isn't indie' night. (NB; said night doesn't actually exist, if it did i would be the only one to go.. not cool).
Gallows/Set Your Goals/SSS/Fucked Up ruled last night, i dressed like a girl for one point in my life so if you saw someone feminine who vaguely looked like me, it was actually me. I had funnnnn.
Someone seriously rescue me from Saturday-night suicide watch. When it's your dog keeping you company you know you need to re-evaluate your social standing/outlook on life/personal significance. Or maybe just your economical income or lack of.
BUST!
'This song will become, the anthem of your underground,
You're two floors down, getting high in the backroom.
If i flooded out your house, do you think you'd make it out?
Or would you burn up before the water filled your lungs?
And at your funeral, i will sing the requiem.'
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
disposable cameras and jet lag
So this is my first blog since New York.
I had an amazing time but wish i could have stayed longer.
I couldn't live there though because the people are grumpy and the streets aint so pretty in the day.
Also don't be harrassing me when i walk through your shop door, us British like to be left in peace while we blow our cash on shit we don't need.
I am so tired and am currently tissue-blocking the flow of the sixth nosebleed today.
Maybe i'll die this way haha.
I can't wait to see everyone i have missed.
I <3 NEW YORK (as a tourist..kinda)
I used a disposable camera for pictures most the time and cannot be bothered to scan those in just yet and attempted to upload some off my digi-cam but that won't work.
So to be continued... is the best place to leave this.
'I thought that everybody loved me,
I thought that everybody cared,
Thought that i might have the strength to carry on,
Turns out now i'm barely barely holding on'.
I had an amazing time but wish i could have stayed longer.
I couldn't live there though because the people are grumpy and the streets aint so pretty in the day.
Also don't be harrassing me when i walk through your shop door, us British like to be left in peace while we blow our cash on shit we don't need.
I am so tired and am currently tissue-blocking the flow of the sixth nosebleed today.
Maybe i'll die this way haha.
I can't wait to see everyone i have missed.
I <3 NEW YORK (as a tourist..kinda)
I used a disposable camera for pictures most the time and cannot be bothered to scan those in just yet and attempted to upload some off my digi-cam but that won't work.
So to be continued... is the best place to leave this.
'I thought that everybody loved me,
I thought that everybody cared,
Thought that i might have the strength to carry on,
Turns out now i'm barely barely holding on'.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
3:48
I passed my driving test and i am going to New York in 9 hours.
This is all i have to say.
I saw more OAP bin-wrestling today; life (or the living dead) goes on
'someday you'll understand that everything is A-Ok'
This is all i have to say.
I saw more OAP bin-wrestling today; life (or the living dead) goes on
'someday you'll understand that everything is A-Ok'
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Panic-induced insomnia
These are mangled-thigh developments. It's actually a form of art; ladies and gentlemen i am carrying spring 2008's next colours.
It looks so incredible yet repulsive. My extensive dreams of bikini modelling and loitering trouser-less among the rich and famous are temporarily quashed. Although maybe some domestic-violence porn would earn me some cash. I'm currently skint from all the 'doing what i wanna do' i've been doing.
The reason i am actually entering this post is because i can't sleep. The occurances of tomorrow has resulted in me being too nervous/horrified to sleep. If you don't know what's happening tomorrow you don't know me well enough and you can beat it.
Ignorant.
I have a mangled thigh and bags under my eyes, want me now?
'it's you i see,
but you don't see me,
and it's you i hear,
so loud and so clear,
i'll sing it loud, and clear..
i'll always be waiting for you..'
It looks so incredible yet repulsive. My extensive dreams of bikini modelling and loitering trouser-less among the rich and famous are temporarily quashed. Although maybe some domestic-violence porn would earn me some cash. I'm currently skint from all the 'doing what i wanna do' i've been doing.
The reason i am actually entering this post is because i can't sleep. The occurances of tomorrow has resulted in me being too nervous/horrified to sleep. If you don't know what's happening tomorrow you don't know me well enough and you can beat it.
Ignorant.
I have a mangled thigh and bags under my eyes, want me now?
'it's you i see,
but you don't see me,
and it's you i hear,
so loud and so clear,
i'll sing it loud, and clear..
i'll always be waiting for you..'
Sunday, 3 February 2008
Don't hate the player hate the game.
We won 3-0 but none the less; being an aggro asshole once i step foot on that pitch resulted in me taking out to girls but coming away with a nice souvenier. Clearly my bikini-modelling dreams are postponed as of now.
Haven't written in a couple days because i haven't had the urge to. It could more be considered lack of general motivation as i have also failed to complete any college work. Which probably isn't a good idea considering i have a lot of it. But as mentioned before I now hate college and i think this currently renders it acceptable. Somehow..
On an off chance of spare tickets i went and saw 30 Seconds to Mars tonight. I shall upload the video off my phone when i again, aquire any motivation what so ever than that of wanting to sleep. It was incredible but i learnt the hard way why i don't wear heels so often - my puppies are howling. (nb, sistersister quote that will NEVER get old).
I have a little wish list going, please comprehend.
1) Robyn's album
2) the kid dynamite shirt a friend just bought off ebay
3) Assassin's creed on xbox 360
4) A nice new black cardigan
5) A nice appartment in the USA and my student visa.
Maybe i'll now start some college work before bed. Or maybe not.
'Screaming gets you nothing
One more night in this town
And I swear that I'm dead...
Screaming gets you nothing
I drew a heart
Around the name of your city...'
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